TITLE: "New Millennium: Sorrows and Joys"
BY: Ten
E-MAIL ADDRESS: kristena@ocean.com.au

CATEGORY: V; Angst; MSR (Married); AU
RATING: Light R for brief nudity
SUMMARY: Scully is on a mission to find her missing soulmate and
husband.
TIMESPAN/SPOILER WARNING: "Requiem" - our version of its events
anyway. Minor "The Unnatural", "Fight the Future" and "The Pilot"
references. This is part of the "New Millennium" series by Vickie
Moseley and me, which goes into alternate universe after
'Millennium'. The stories are on Ten's website (see below).

Not every season seven episode occurs in this alternate universe
(examples being 'En Ami', 'all things', 'Brand X' and 'Je
Souhaite'), and in some the events occur differently than shown on
the screen (the fainting was one thing we made sure to ditch.
Obviously the guys at 1013 have never been pregnant <G>).

This story follows the events of "New Millennium: The Calm Before
the Storm" by me and "New Millennium: Lost and Found" by Vickie.

ARCHIVE INFO: It goes to Gossamer through xff. Can be archived
anywhere as long as our names, addys and disclaimer stay intact.
FEEDBACK: Love it.
THANKS TO: Vickie, Gerry and Suzanne.

The stories in this series are available at Ten's website, thanks
to the wonderful Arria:
http://bitter-moon.com/tenxffic/index2.html

DISCLAIMER: The X-Files, the episodes referred to, Mulder and
Scully and all other characters from the show belong to Chris
Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting, and are
used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended, no
profit will be gained. Characters not recognized from the show are
ours.


"New Millennium: Sorrows and Joys"
Written November and December 2002

xXx

Alexandria
July 2000:

It has been a long-standing habit of mine to often touch my cross
when I am praying or deep in thought. But I don't have my cross
now. I gave it to my husband to wear, before he left for Oregon.

Before he was taken from me.

Before we knew...

I gave it to him so he would be carrying a piece of me, something
of great meaning.

Little did we know that Mulder had returned the favor. Since I
discovered the truth, I haven't even gone to touch the place on my
neck where the cross should be resting. Not even absently. Not
once.

Instead my hand and fingers have a new destination, one which is
even more a symbol of hope and faith and love. The place where our
child is growing inside me.

I stare out our bay window. Sitting in the window seat makes me
feel closer to him. This is where we made our miracle. Yes,
Mulder, we certainly did put down more of a deposit on this house
than we thought! And that was before we even bought the place!

I honestly thought we would need medical and scientific
intervention in order to have a baby... But once again we have
proven conventional wisdom wrong.

I think back to the day we unwittingly conceived. How strange I
was feeling. I had thought I was going out of my mind with desire
because my husband and I hadn't had a chance to be intimate for
longer than usual, due to real life being a real pain. But what if
it was my body - or rather our bond because Mulder felt it too -
telling us that a viable egg had been released at last? That we
only had a certain timeframe before we missed the opportunity...

The dreams I had around that time would bear that out too. The
little green canyon in the desert, so small that it could easily
have been passed by and not noticed.

For a start, I didn't recognize the symptoms of pregnancy. Since
the townhouse was vacant and we knew it was the one for us, Mulder
and I were able to get through the legalities quickly. So for a
month we were rushing around organizing everything and moving in
and then unpacking. I thought all that was making me so tired. And
so hungry.

I didn't realize that I'd missed my period. Too much else was
going on. Then when we had moved into our new home, I made a
mental note to call the clinic once we were settled to set up an
appointment for me. Time to start receiving the hormone
injections.

But before that could happen our first-ever X-File together came
back to haunt us. My husband and I went to Oregon, where
abductions were occurring again. A Bellefleur local, Richie, took
Mulder and me to the site where he said his friend had vanished in
the woods. There, something invisible lifted me into the air and
shook me. Not long after that incident is when I first threw up.
So it didn't occur to me that it was morning sickness.

If only I'd known then that what happened to me was a spaceship
force shield 'rejecting' me... I wasn't what it wanted. Though
Mulder was sure I was at risk, since I was an abductee.

But we didn't know. So by the time the Gunmen and I realized the
pattern to the people that the ship was taking, I was in D.C. and
Mulder was in back in Oregon hunting for the ship with Skinner,
armed with new information on it from Krycek and Marita. I tried
to phone Mulder to tell him that he was the one in danger, that
the abductees were people who had experienced unnatural brain
activity at some point. There was no answer, so I phoned Skinner.
But it was too late by then.

I heard Skinner tell me that Mulder had been abducted and that the
ship had left, and I dropped the phone and ran to the nearest
bathroom and vomited.

When I came back out, I dismissed the Gunmen's concerns about me,
and set the guys in full swing, helping me do everything possible
to try to locate Mulder.

From the computer matrix they had set up, we knew that the UFO was
no longer in Oregon. So it was pointless for me to go up there.
The local law would search the woods, but I just knew my partner
was not in that area anymore.

The Gunmen hurried off to do my bidding. They were going to try to
get better satellite access in an attempt to locate the ship again
and track its next moves. Left alone in the room with my thoughts
in turmoil, I looked down and Teresa Hoese's medical records
caught my eye. I thought about her, about how she had a baby,
despite her previous abductions. I hadn't gotten to ask her
whether she had conceived naturally or...

It was then that it came to me that my nausea might not be solely
due to my worry and reaction to the loss of Mulder. My brain
finally started stringing together other symptoms in a pattern
instead of dismissing them as due to other things.

By the time that Skinner arrived back in D.C., I had the positive
test results.

How can such great happiness co-exist with such great sorrow?

When I next went into the Hoover Building, I wore my wedding ring.
But no longer on a chain around my neck to hide it from the world.
That time is over. I had it on the appropriate finger and a
burning desire in my heart. I would have the truth. I would get my
husband back.

Tonight, six weeks since Mulder was taken, I fell asleep in the
window seat again. A while ago I made myself get up and go to bed.

We bought a king-sized bed, somehow finding the time during that
frantic four-week rush of becoming homeowners. Now there are still
two in it, but there should be three. I will make sure there is.

I don't even make the bed in the morning. I can't face it, seeing
as it isn't slept in on his side. And housework takes time away
from the search.

But there has to be a balance. For our child's sake.

Sleep is something I look forward to. I can forget reality to a
degree. The baby and I need the rest, and I can dream. I can
pretend he is still with me. The nights are full of wonderful
memories of what we have shared. I live them again so vividly. And
think hopefully of the future.

Sometimes it is like I can sense him even when I'm not in
dreamland. Of a morning when I am still half-asleep, I imagine he
is holding me close or talking to me. But there is no one there.

One time I got out of the shower and stood naked in front of the
mirror, contemplating my navel, so to speak. Looking for any sign
of change. I could see and touch a slight roundness. Something
that only myself or my husband would notice as different when I
was naked. I felt like crying in both joy and bitterness. But then
I felt a warmth, like Mulder was standing there with me, embracing
me from behind, his hands over mine.

For a moment I felt so close to him...

I have my dream house and a much-longed for baby on the way. So
why couldn't the universe have let me keep my soulmate too? We
deserved this happiness.

Fate may think it has won, but it has no idea who it is dealing
with. This is a temporary glitch, and by no means the end of the
game.

Skinner has been helping me out wherever he can, letting me
concentrate on my search as much as possible.

At work I have had two temporary partners. So far. One was a male
agent who was scared off within a week. Mulder would be proud of
me.

The other agent is hanging in there, for now.

Her name is Andrea Michels. Twenty-eight. Just out of the Academy.
Masters degrees - one of them in physics - and eyes on the top of
the tree. So this is a huge disappointment for her.

When we met, I quickly realized that she's a mini-me from my first
year on this job. Talk about scary. Now I'm older and wiser. This
woman is committed to her work, with no emotional attachments to
anyone.

Sometimes I want to strangle her - and that isn't just the
hormones talking - but I try to keep in mind what it must have
been like for Mulder when I first arrived.

But I was never THAT bad. Was I?

I remember Assistant D.A. Jana Cassidy from the OPC board during
the Dallas bombing incident. If Michels is a reflection of what I
once was, then I feel that Cassidy is a fast-forward to what I
would have become if Mulder had not walked into my life. Or rather
if I had not walked into his.

When Michels first arrived, I didn't call out 'No one down here
but the FBI's most unwanted', but I did ask her if she believed in
extraterrestrials.

"I'm a scientist. Not a science fiction writer," was her reply,
polite but firm, while she studied the 'I want to believe' poster.

She quickly caught on that I was experiencing morning sickness. It
is hard to hide that sort of thing from another woman. Three weeks
is a long time to have the flu. Only she and Skinner know at work.
Fortunately I haven't had any bouts of nausea or vomiting in the
presence of others yet. Michels is keeping my pregnancy a secret.
She understands that I want to keep it private, and that I am
being cautious until the three month mark is up. I have not told
many people: Mom, Skinner, the Gunmen ...

Like me, Mom is ecstatic about the baby and devastated about
Mulder.

Up until two days ago, I had not bought any toys or baby things.
Mom knows this. She hasn't tried to give me anything yet, but I
suspect that she is picking up items I'll need and squirreling
them away, or going through the stock in her attic and laundering
them.

Two days ago I went for a walk during lunchtime to get some air.
And in the window of a toyshop I saw an adorable soft stuffed
baseball bat with a matching ball. The ball was soft, about the
size of a real baseball, so a baby can't get it in his or her
mouth and choke on it. It had Velcro buttons on it so that it
could attach to the bat. The bat was the size of a ruler in
length, easy to grip.

'Hips before hands, Scully.'

I immediately went in and bought it. That night I sat holding it,
imagining the three of us playing with it, Mulder giving his kid
their first baseball lesson. I told Mom about it over the phone.
"They'll both love it," she said firmly, and I agreed with her.

After a bathroom break I drift back off to sleep while going over
data in my mind, information that the Gunmen and I have gathered
through as many networks as we can, that so far have led to no
solid leads. The guys have headed interstate for several days at
least, wanting to visit a place that has an array of satellite
dishes and substations. They think they will be able to link in
there with more satellites and data. More chances.

Morning again. I have a feeling about today. Something is going to
happen. I don't know what, good or bad, but I get up to meet it.

THE END