FURLOUGH Rated G Date: 6 Dec 1995 OK, I admit it. I was a political scientist before I was an X Phile. Actually, I still am a political scientist. So, the recent furlough of the Federal Government was just too good to pass up. If politics isn't your thing, move on. This contains no sex, no violence (oh, some violent thoughts, but no violence), not even too much UST. Just what it's like to be considered 'non-essential'. Standard disclaimer: It ain't mine, but I took it anyway. I won't hurt it, I won't charge for it, and I'll put it back when I'm done. Satisfied, Mr. Carter? Thanks. FURLOUGH by Vickie Moseley vickiemoseley1978@yahoo.com Dana Scully's Apartment November 15, 1995 7:35 am Dana Scully stepped out of the shower and was greeted with the ringing of the telephone. She threw on her robe and grabbed for the phone in the hallway. "Scully," she said, by way of greeting. "Go back to bed, Scully," a very disgusted voice said on the other end of the line. "We've been furloughed." "Mulder? What are you talking about? Where are you?" she asked, suddenly very confused. "I'm talking about the budget war, Scully. I got to the office a few minutes ago. The place is locked up tight, except for the loading dock doors. The one guard politely informed me that I was NOT on the 'essential personnel' list and that I had the day off. And probably the next few days off, to boot. At the moment I'm in my car trying to figure out which window in the Rayburn Building belongs to Gingrich so I can throw a brick through it." "Mulder, it's 'unseemly' for an employee of the Justice Department to make threats against the property of the United States Government," she chuckled. "Come on over here. We can discuss this over bagels and coffee." "On my way," he grumbled and broke the connection. By the time Fox Mulder arrived at her door, Scully had slipped on some jeans and a sweater and thawed out an assortment of bagels. "Hi," she said cheerfully as he slumped down in one of her kitchen chairs. "Here, this should take the edge off." She handed him a cup of coffee with a lick of whipped cream on top. He eyed the cup suspiciously. "Scully, I don't usually take 'whipped cream' with my coffee." He sipped at the cup anyway and broke into a grin. "Of course, 'Irish Coffee' is another matter." She slid in the chair across from him and sipped her own cup. "Hey, if we're 'non essential', why not act like it?" she grinned mischievously. She watched in fascination as her partner wolfed down two large sesame seed bagels without even taking a deep breath. His metabolism amazed her. she mused to herself. He drained the coffee cup and finally looked across at her. "So, what are we gonna do here, sit in your kitchen and get drunk?" he asked. "Not that I have anything better to do, but maybe we should think about it a minute first, huh?" "It's going to be hard to get *too* drunk, Mulder. That was the last two shots of Irish whiskey in the place. I was saving it for a special occasion, and well, it just seemed appropriate today." She pulled down the coffee pot from the counter and refilled his cup, this time without additives. "I don't know. We _are_ college graduates, Mulder. We should be able to think of something to do that doesn't include work. What do you normally do in your spare time?" He blinked at her. "What's _spare_ about time, Scully? I don't do anything in my spare time. Sometimes I watch TV, but I refuse to watch TV all day, and especially if we end up being off for more than one day. I would go crazy!" He considered his options for a moment. "Want to go running with me?" Usually Scully declined such offers. His legs were a lot longer and he set a pace much faster than she liked. This time, though, she was waiting for him. "Sure. Why not? But you aren't exactly dressed for it," she pointed out. He was still dressed for the office, suit, tie, wingtips. "Maybe the outfit might slow you down, though." "Are you _trying_ to be a wiseass this morning, Scully, or is it the whiskey talking? I happen to have my gym bag in the car. I was going to go running later this afternoon at the track," he frowned for a moment. "Back when I had access to a track, that is." Scully shook her head. He was taking this whole thing too hard. she thought. "Well, go get your bag while I'm changing. I'll clean the kitchen, you get dressed and we'll go for a run." They started out at a leisurely pace, at least for Mulder. He didn't want to outrun her, so he held himself back. They ran through the residential area where Scully's apartment building was, then to a little park nearby. Once in the park, Scully flashed him a smile and took off. It took him a few seconds to catch up to her. >From that point on, she carried the pace. After five or so laps around the park, she slowed them down to a trot. "Hey, you've been holding out on me. When did you take up running?" he asked, trying not to let her know that he was a little winded. "A couple of months ago. After we got back from New Mexico, actually. I just needed time to. . .I don't know. Running helps me clear my head. I try not to think too much about. . .you know, stuff." She slowed down even further and started to stretch out. He watched her for a minute. That was precisely why _he_ liked to run. It had started out as physical therapy after a basketball injury in high school and he became addicted to the 'runner's high' as it's called. When he thought about it a while, he had been running every day since he had returned from New Mexico. Somedays, it felt like the only thing keeping him sane. "Well, that was my contribution for the day. What do you want to do?" he asked as they made their way back to Scully's apartment. "Well," Scully said, thinking for a moment. "Nah, you'd never go along with it," she decided, shaking her head vigorously. "Try me. I mean, I didn't think you'd go for a run, and you did. Don't think you know everything about me, Scully. I might surprise you," he grinned at her. She grinned in return. "Mulder, I could live to be 200 and never know _everything_ about you! OK, it's November 15 and I have tons of Christmas shopping to do. And it seems like we always get tied up on a case right about the first of December and I never get to finish all my shopping. I am tired of giving my nephews gift certificates from Barnes and Nobles every year for Christmas. Let's go to the mall and I'll get it all out of the way, now." He grimaced like she had just shot him, again. "The 'mall', Scully? You mean that hugh place filled with nothing but mothers dragging sticky preschoolers around on leashes where they sell overpriced items that will eventually sit in someone's closet until *they* sell them at some charity white elephant sale? Come on, Scully. Not the mall!" She was shaking her head again. "See, Mulder. I knew you wouldn't want to go." He regarded her for a moment. He hated the mall. Hell, he hated shopping in any form, but the mall reminded him of something devised during the Spanish Inquisition. He kept wanting to go up to one of the security guards and promise to be a good Christian if they'd just let him out. But then, if he couldn't go to work, maybe that was just the punishment he deserved. Non-essential personnel, indeed! "OK, I'll go with you to the mall," he grumbled, reluctantly. "But this better include plenty of breaks. Cookie breaks, pie breaks, lunch break, coffee break, I better be *stuffed* to the gills when we leave." "As stuffed as a sticky preschooler, Mulder. I promise. And I won't even make you wear a leash," she laughed. They ended up going to the mall in Bethesda. It was packed, but then so had the one in Silver Springs been, and the one in Tyson's Corner, and the one in Alexandria. . . It quickly occurred to both Mulder and Scully that Washington, DC was indeed a government town, and was filled with 'non-essential' personnel. Who all decided to go Christmas shopping on their first day of furlough. But at least at Bethesda, they found a parking place within sight of the mall entrance. Once inside, Scully took out a small notebook. "OK, first stop, FAO Schwartz." She walked over to the directory in the middle of the corridor. Mulder followed, trying to avoid being knocked flat by the crowd. Naturally, they were at the entrance farthest from the toy store. "Scully, Patton had an easier time getting through Belgium than we're going to have getting to FAO Schwartz," Mulder growled as he noted the distance involved. Scully smiled up at him patiently. "Mulder, there is a Mrs. Fields Cookies, a Starbucks coffee, two ice cream shoppes, and a Ruby Tuesdays Cafe, all between here and FAO Schwartz." His scowl quickly reversed itself and turned into a grin. "Now, we're shopping!" They made it to FAO Schwartz Toys after a half hour of jostling crowds and Mulder stopping for an ice cream cone. Scully consulted the notebook once again, silently considering the items listed. She had been 'researching' her nephews tastes since last Christmas and she had a pretty good idea of what things they wanted and she could agree to get them. While she was studying her notes, Mulder was wandering the store. "Hey Scully, check it out," he shouted over the crowd from an aisle over. He had a small acrylic square with hundreds of little metal rods, resembling the bristles on a hairbrush. When he had her attention, he carefully place it against his face and stuck his tongue out. Being very careful not to jiggle the square, he removed it from his face. There, in the pins, was a perfect impression of his tongue and nose. "I think I'll get one of these for Frohike!" he declared excitedly. Scully bit her lip to keep from reacting. she mused. She lost track of him again when she went down the building block aisle. Even with the crowd, she was able to find the Lego (tm) set her godson had been begging for and the Lincoln Logs (tm) she had decided on for her youngest nephew. She walked up to a cash register and patiently waited in line. The line from hell. Two women in front of her were deep in conversation. "No, he's got to be married. He's got that 'married' look," said the shorter (and 'dumpier') of the two women. "He's not wearing a ring, Janet. I checked his left hand," said the taller of the two. "I'm going to ask him to lunch and see what he says." "Karen, you do not come to a toy store to pick up men! We're here to get your nephew a Christmas present," Janet scolded. "So, I'm getting him an 'uncle'. What's so bad about that?" replied Karen with a grin. "Besides, where do you go to shop for men these days, Janet? The bar certainly isn't a good idea, who knows what you'll catch. You need to go someplace where you find guys with a good salary. Bet he's furloughed. He looks intelligent, probably upper management, too. Those are not cheap shoes he's wearing, Janet! I've priced them in Foot Locker. Levis Dockers, Ralph Lauren polo shirt. Definitely good breeding stock-- lots of community property potential," she added with a leacherous grin. "You hold my place, I'm going over there." She turned so suddenly that she bumped into Scully, who was standing there, trying not to overhear the conversation. "Excuse me," said Karen gruffly. "I forgot to pick up something," she added, for Janet's benefit. Scully was trying to ignore the whole exchange, but curiosity got the better of her. She very slowly turned her head to follow 'Karen' as she made her way over toward. . .Mulder? Mulder, meanwhile, was innocently having the pants beat off him by a ten year old at the Sega (tm) display. Suddenly, Scully was VERY interested in what was going on. She could feel herself blushing, but had no idea why. So what if her partner were to decide to ditch her for some woman who was obviously after one thing: a ring. So what if her best friend was about to be sucked into a trap that he had no idea was waiting for him. He was always telling her that he was a grown up, he was able to take care of himself. So what if he were to fall head over heels over some woman who *deliberately* set out to pick him up, 'breed' with him and then take all his money. . .in a toy store? In all honesty, it was none of her business. But then again, if she hadn't dragged him to the mall, he wouldn't be in danger, she considered. It would be her fault if he ended up chained to this woman for life, or worse yet, divorced from her and paying child support until retirement. Dana took a minute to look her over. Karen was just the kind Mulder could fall for: tallish, leggy, blonde, big. . .chested. And Scully was just going to stand by and do absolutely nothing. Scully stepped out of line, much to the glee of the customers behind her, and walked over to Mulder. Karen had just engaged him in conversation when Scully stepped up. 'Soooo, you're furloughed, too? I think it's just deplorable, how they treat hard working civil servants these days!" she cooed. "And your with the FBI! I would consider that 'essential', if nothing else is." She was, nah couldn't be, batting her thick black eyelashes, for effect. That was too much for Scully. "Sweetheart," Scully interrupted. "I think I saw these cheaper in the Toys R Us ad last Sunday. Let's go on. I know how 'daddie cakes' hates waiting for his 'love bunny'," she purred in his ear, just loud enough to Karen to catch it. she admitted to herself. Mulder almost dropped his teeth. But the look in her eyes was one he had grown to know all too well. It was the same one she used when he was in extreme mortal danger. He flashed her a confused look, but decided to play along. "OK, 'honeybun'. Let's go." He turned to Karen, who was fuming by this point. "Nice talking to you," he muttered as Scully pulled him out of the store by the elbow. Once in the mall corridor, Mulder stopped dead. "Mind telling me what all that was about?" he demanded. "You were about to be 'picked up'," Scully replied in a hushed voice. "So? I wouldn't have dumped you, Scully. I would have gotten her phone number and called later. Maybe," he added, but now he wasn't so sure. He had never realized how jealous Scully was. This was turning into an interesting trip after all. "She didn't want a 'date', Mulder," Scully retorted and pulled him on through the crowd. "Then 'what' did she want," he hissed back, leaning over so she could hear above the noise. "She was shopping for an 'uncle' for her nephew," Scully hissed back. "And you look like you have 'great community property potential'," she added just to see what he'd do. She smiled as she got the satisfaction of watching him turn white as a sheet. "Community property? What are you. . ." he stuttered. "I overheard her talking about you to her friend. Sizing you up like a prize bull, would be a better description. I distinctly remember a comment about 'good breeding stock'," Scully smirked at him. "I owe you big, don't I?" he asked sheepishly. "'Owe me big? Yep, I think that about sums it up. Yeah, that sums it up nicely," she smiled up at him. "Come on, Mulder. Let's go over to Woodies. I want to get something nice for my brother." Woodward and Lothrop's was a very large, very crowded department store. The men's department was a little less crowded, but that only meant that not *every* aisle was clogged. Scully was looking at the wallets when she heard Mulder call to her. "Here, how's this?" he asked. He was holding a very nice burgundy paisley tie with matching suspenders. It was exactly what she was looking for. She looked at him in shocked silence. When she finally found her voice, she sputtered. "Mulder! That's. . .that's beautiful! Where on earth did you find them?" "On that table over there. And they're on sale, apparently. I think there's a sales clerk behind the display counter." He finally noticed her amazed expression. "What? You don't like the color?" "No, no that's not it at all. Mulder," she didn't know how to say it without hurting his feelings. She finally couldn't stand it, she had to ask. "Mulder, why did you pick that set?" "It's classic. Burgundy goes with navy, grey, black, some browns. And paisley is always in style. And the matching suspenders are a power trip. Very big on the Hill," he answered, sounding like a fashion consultant. She eyed him suspiciously. "Mulder, if you know so much about fashion, why don't you ever 'display' any of the knowledge?" He shook his head and clucked his tongue at her. "Scully, Scully, Scully. I wear my ties to make a statement. Not because I'm a fashion idiot. I just hate having to wear 'bureaucratic issue' all the time. Women have a real advantage over men. When you wear slacks, it says something. When you wear a suit with a short skirt, it says something else. The only way a man gets to express his individuality is through his neckwear." He considered the tie and suspenders he was still holding. "But you shouldn't be making those kind of decisions for your brother. Let him get expressive by himself, if he wants. You should pick something a little more practical, and this is it." "That 'Spooky' title is well deserved," Scully muttered under her breath as she followed him to the display counter. The rest of the trip through the stores were as successful. By the time they had knocked off half of Scully's list, Mulder's arms were loaded with sacks and his stomach was growling. "I remember someone promising to keep me 'stuffed'," he grumbled. Scully glanced at her watch. It was almost 1:30. "You're right, Mulder. It's past lunch time. Let's head over to Ruby Tuesdays and grab a bite to eat. Ruby Tuesdays was just starting a slight lull, which is the only reason the two agents were seated before Thanksgiving. The place was still crowded, but they got a small table for two right near the window facing the interior of the mall. Mulder ordered his usual, a cheeseburger with the works, and Scully settled for French onion soup and the salad bar. When she was seated again, with her salad, she noticed the disgruntled expression on her partner. "What's the matter, Mulder?" she asked, scooping up German potato salad onto her fork. He looked like the world was about to end. "I was just thinking. What if this thing doesn't end? What if we get furloughed for weeks? Scully, the guard wouldn't even let me in the building! All my files are down there, all my notes, my journal, all of it. I even left my November issue of 'Celebrity Skin' down there last night. I had no idea it would be held hostage this morning!" He picked at the cocktail napkin under his iced tea. "I really hate this, Scully. It's not fair!" Scully looked over at the man in front of her. She knew how much of a workaholic he was. He spent more time in the office than he did at his apartment. He was always there on weekends, unless they were on a case. He even went in on holidays, unless she dragged him to her mother's. This was really hitting him hard. "Mulder, this can't last. I mean, we are the Federal Government, for Pete's sakes! This is just politics. Gingrich and Clinton hate each other's guts and this is their way of having a p. . .," she stopped short of what she was about to say. It was one of her father's terms. She thought a second, then shrugged. "A power contest. Don't let it get you down. I'm sure they will have everything back to normal before we know it." "How do you know that, Scully? How do you know?" he asked softly. "We work for an illusion, Scully. That's all government is, after all, an illusion. It works because the people believe the illusion, just like the Emperor's new clothes. And now, here we sit, all the 'non-essential-personnel', doing nothing while the rest of the world continues to turn on it's axis, just like always. What difference does it make that we're not in the office today? Absolutely none, Scully. Absolutely none. And pretty soon the people will see that the Emperor has been naked all these years, and it will all be over. And then, where will we be?" "Mulder, I think you are taking this to an extreme, don't you? I mean, sure, we can get by with shutting down the government for a couple of days. Maybe a couple of weeks, even. But much longer than that, and the society starts to break down. Mulder, government really does provide a service. Actually, several services on several levels. Take air traffic controllers. . ." "The airlines could get together and do that job themselves if they wanted to, Scully," Mulder interrupted. "OK," she conceded. "How about the postal system. . ." "E-mail and Federal Express have made the postal system the haven of junk mail, Scully and I truly doubt anyone is going to miss their junk mail. . ." he countered. "School lunch. . ." "The states have all but taken over most of that already, since the Federal government has started cutting back. . ." he said shaking his head sadly. "Social security," she said more forcefully. "It's almost bankrupt as it is, Scully, nobody expects much from that system these days." "Mulder!" she hissed, trying not to raise her voice, "We work for the Federal Bureau of Investigation! Somebody has got to NEED US!" He sat there is shocked silence for a minute. "I guess we do catch criminals," he agreed softly. Then he looked at her with a sheepish smile. "It's just sort of scary, you know?" She looked at his sad hazel eyes and started to giggle. Really giggle, and it turned into laughs that she couldn't hold in. In minutes, he was laughing too, but he had no idea why. "Scully, WHAT is so damn funny?" he asked as he tried to catch his breath. She struggled to get control of herself. Finally, she was just snickering, and she could at last trust herself to speak. "Mulder, think about it. You track serial killers. You chase UFO's for a hobby. You have encountered the most disgusting genetic mutations ever imagined. You almost died after you fought what you still believe to be an alien life form! And you are oblivious to it all. But the day they decide to close down the government, YOU are SCARED! Now, that is pretty damn funny, if I do say so!" and she dissolved into another fit of giggles. He was laughing again, too, but trying very hard to look offended. "I'm glad my personal demons bring you so much pleasure, Agent Scully," he shot back at her. He took the check off the table and stood up and took her hand. "C'mon, Scully. Let's blow this pop stand." "Where are we going, oh, non-essential one," she teased. "Well, we are going to finish your shopping, making sure we investigate all the items on MY list for Santa, and then, we are going to the sneak preview at the Cineplex down the road." "Sneak preview of what, Mulder?" she asked, helping gather all her packages. "The American President. We can throw popcorn at the screen. Should be fun." He looked like he was feeling better. "Mulder, with you, most things that I used to find awful are fun!" she laughed. "So, what if the government really was shut down permanently. What would YOU do for a living?" "I don't know," he replied, as a devilish twinkle entered his eyes. "Maybe get a job as a male model for Saks Fifth Avenue. . ." The peals of laughter echoed off the walls. The end.